I don’t think we ever grow up aspiring to be a single parent! I know for myself it was something I never wanted as my parents were divorced when I was only 3. I always told myself I am never going to be a single mom! Well that dream or what I thought did not play out that way but I am ok with it after a lot of soul searching and therapy! Being a Single Parent is one of the hardest journeys someone could go on. Mine started when my daughter was 10 months old, but I have to say that I am extremely lucky to have an amazing mom who helps me everyday. My daughter was so young when I became a single parent that she really does not know or remember any different but that really does not change everything that comes with a child that goes between 2 parents homes and the different parenting that comes with it. The one thing I learned very quickly was I needed a group of friends that understood and was going through the same journey that I was. I can remember this day like it was yesterday, I had went to this group class the same group that I was pregnant with doing all the classes that you do when you’re a new mom. One of the moms was talking about bedtime, naps, and all the other things moms talk about, when she said that her husband does bedtime so she gets the nights to herself to take a shower and have a glass of wine. My first thought is wow she is lucky or that must be nice to take a shower everyday. This when the group turned to me and said oh does your husband do nighttime duties for you? I looked at her and said no I am single mom, I am the mom, dad, nanny, babysitter and everything else! She looked at me with this pure disgust face like I had a dieassse that was contagious she could get. I left and went home and started to cry to my mom saying I am over all these mommy groups, I am never going to be in another group ever again. This is when my mom had the best idea ever, she said why don’t you create a single mommies group and meet people who are going through something similar. I took her advice and ran with it. Honestly I had no idea if it would work or if I could find any mommy friends this way. Not only did it work but we now have over 300 amazing women in the group. We are so close and our kids are the best of friends. I could go on and on about it because it helped me in my darkest times and we have created a safe place to share and get help when one of us needs it.
I am sharing this because people can be so judgemental or say things that make you cry without even knowing how hurtful it is. I could write a whole post on things people said to me but I will spare you for now. What I am here to say is that we all need our tribe and great support system and that is one thing I am so passionate about is connecting with other amazing single moms and having a sisterhood where we are better together. There is so much mom shaming that goes on in groups, social media, and really it can happen anywhere. It’s the one thing that drives me crazy. I really started to see it when I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew I had to have a Csection because of my prior condtion and the fact that I had a jpouch and no colon it was not an option for me as it was medically nesscary. My moto was whatever is the safest for baby and mother is what I thought and what most people should think! My preganacy was considred very high risk so there was a team of a million doctors looking very carefully over us to make sure everything was ok, when they told me I would not be able to breastfeed due to that I get treatment for every 4 weeks that comes from an IV is not recommend for breastfeeding. I told the doctors ok we will do Forumla, the backlash I got from this was insane and to even go as far as “your daughter will get ovairian cancer because you did not breastfeed” Yes you heard that right this what someone told me to my face when I was pregnant and oh yeah they knew everything I went through! After this moment and lots of talks with my whole team of doctors, I had come to the conclusion that I will no longer say what I am going to do and that what people think of me is not my business, what is my business is that my daughter is healthy and I am healthy enough to take care of her! It might seem that I went a little off topic but it brings back to the topic that people have so many opions of what they think is right and it is not always going to go with how you think.
I had to face my worst nightmare in my mind which was being a single parent, I had always told myself that it will never happen to me. The funny thing is the thing I was most scared about was actually the best thing for me! I know crazy right?! If it was not for the extremely hard times I had I would not have meet the most amazing people in my life or the oppertunites that have been presented to me. I will say this the darkest times in one life bring a couple of things to life which is who are the people that are there for you in the good and bad, make the great times really important, and last a huge oppetunity to change something that is not working for you. Really anytime you get the chance to grow and learn is a win in my book. Let me leave with you this, no one is perfect and the word perfect is a lot for someone to live up too. I rather be ok with who I am and what I can do than be PERFECT!
